"coaching conundrum?": "my coachee can't accept that he is not fit to do the job"

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Bart van Loon on May 22, 2008 at 20:59

Hi Liselotte,
try changing the perspective of 'not being fit to do the job' (static, labelling, fixed mind-set) to 'not getting the desired results' (dynamic, behavior, growth oriented). So it's not a matter of coping with being a failure, but of doing what works in a given situation.
From there you can take it to given the situation, what would you like to achieve? (are you willing to do what works? in what direction would you like to develop etc).
What do you say? is this at all useful?

Permalink Reply by Liselotte Baeijaert on May 23, 2008 at 14:02

Hello Bart, thanks for your reply, I've been checking this page all the time yesterday and is's great to have a reaction! It's indeed a very useful difference in language. It will be easier to accept not having reached certain results in a given situation than to accept not being competent to take a certain role.

Now saying you didn't get a result(yet) might create hope for change and growth (as you say) and they'll keep on trying the best they can. I'm just wondering that in a context where there is no second chance or where the management really doesn't see enough potential (I'm talking big corporations and banks,where you really do get labels) maybe it is also useful to add that this situation isn't the best environment for a person to show his competencies. I remember the story of a man, one year before his pension, who'd been hoping and striving to become a leader for the last 15 years... He felt very disappointed that this didn't come true.

If you work in such a context and you want to grow, maybe you are very well served if the HR manager can be honest about your chances and ask 'given the situation, what would you like to do instead, what else can you achieve that gives you professional satisfaction' Than finding 'another context' might be a possible answer?

I'll be delighted to have more thoughts about this. Have a great weekend,
Liselotte

Permalink Reply by Paolo Terni on May 24, 2008 at 21:40

Hi Liselotte,
Paolo from Italy, here.

I agree with Bart.
I also like your idea about finding a different context where the coachee can shine.
I would like to add my 2 cents, too, for what is worth: reframing the issue.
The "negative assessment" is first and foremost an assessment - thank goodness we know now that ending up doing that job would put you in a very tight spot!
What are your strengths? What position would match your strengths?...
I would refer to "positive psychology", and more specifically the fact that people develop by building on their strengths.

Another way to work around the situation could be to think with the coachee that really wants that job that he / she can't get:
a) what else is going on in his / her life that they want to keep having (so the issue loses steam, it is put into perspective)
b) what are the benefits he / she would get from that job (i.e. the job is only a means to an end, so maybe they realize they can either get the same results some other way or they already have them!)
c) last but not least, the coping questions you mentioned...

Thanks for the interesting question,
take care and have a great weekend,
ciao,
Paolo

Permalink Reply by Paul Z Jackson on May 25, 2008 at 23:48

Perhaps the HR managers don't need to work so hard or be so invested in any particular outcome. They can put the issue back to the client, with questions like, "What does it take to get such a position in this organisation?", "Who do you need to impress?", "What new steps are you taking towards this?"
Cheers, Paul Z.

Permalink Reply by Jesper H Christiansen on May 26, 2008 at 9:29

...and instead of making a judgement of whether the coachee is able or not - interesting questions (I think) are:
"What will be different when you have reached X?"
"What have happened recently that was a small tiny step in the direction you want?"
"What will be the next small sign to you and others that you are moving in the right direction?"
"What needs to happen now?"

I don't think a coach should 'estimate' if it is realistic or not. More be curious on the dream that lays behind.

Hilsen
Jesper

Permalink Reply by Liselotte Baeijaert on May 29, 2008 at 9:55

Hello Jesper, Paolo, Paul, Bart,

Thanks for giving this a thought! I have a training with this group next week and I particularly like the following:

1) the HR manager is not the assessor, but the coach. He can stay curious in the dream and what the worker is finally hoping to achieve with this, maybe finding other ways to achieve this?
2) staying curious and exploring the possibility of the dream (I like your question, Paul), 'what does it take to get such a position in the organization?'
3) exploring what is going well already that they want to keep
4) talking about not getting the desired results instead of being a failure

Maybe another idea is to ask 'what could you change today in your job or in your life so that a part of your dream is realized already a bit?

The biggest challenge will be the 1). They do have an ambiguous position in between coach and manager... very often they are the messengers of the line and the organization... Hence they cannot assume that everything is still possible if they know it isn't. Maybe they will also have ideas of how they can change hats in the most useful way.

Have a great day!
Liselotte

Permalink Reply by Shakya on May 30, 2008 at 10:46

Hello Liselotte,

I love your question 'what could you change today in your job or in your life so that a part of your dream is realized already a bit?' for when someone's in a situation like this, with a big 'digital' change they want to make. After all, why wait?

all the best
Shakya

Permalink Reply by Liselotte Baeijaert on June 6, 2008 at 8:54

Hello all!

I had a raining with the HR managers yesterday. just for the people who followed this thread: this is what I did: I thanked them for the difficult cases they brought in and I told them that it would be very pretentious if I would say I have the answer to those difficult questions, since they have so much experience in this job and know very well that this is indeed difficult to deal with people who are more ambitious than they seem to be capable in the eyes of the management. I invited them to bring in their expertise about the cases and explore together how we could approach this in a SF manner.

I invited them to share their difficult situations at different tables and make micro tools (Michael Hjerth). We then tried to see what worked and what didn't in life coaching sessions in front of the group. In their tough cases -which I don't consider as pure coaching situations- it worked best when they had a respectful and helping (coaching) attitude AND when they were very clear in telling that the person should NOT hope to have a managers position in the near future (which is the case after an assessment in that company). After that there could be room to find out what the other options were. So the platform building was very important: making clear what was possible and what not.

Thank you for your input!
Liselotte

Permalink Reply by Paul Z Jackson on June 10, 2008 at 22:55

Liselotte, glad it went well.