Feeling Questions

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Permalink Reply by Simon Lee on May 1, 2017 at 15:36

Thank you of all the insights....I am re-posting it here for the benefit of other coaches in Asia - Simon Lee.

이재원 Well... I think I've been greatly influenced by Eve Lipchik who was one of the original members in BFTC in the late 1970s. According to her(2002), you could help your clients to address their feelings and emotions in SFBT. Well... how could we talk about their best hopes without listening to their "bad" emotions? Or... how could we reach them ignoring their natural emotions? Let me ask you a simple question. Why not?

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Katalin Hankovszky Christiansen listening to is not = asking for

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Eva Golding 陳 Why not ask about feelings if you think it would help the client to move forward.

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이재원 Yes, WHY NOT? ;-)

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Svea van der Hoorn SFBT is not problem phobic nor feeling phobic. We talk with clients about these topics in a particular way which can and often does sound different from how some other schools, models and approaches talk with clients.

Svea van der Hoorn Had an interesting time with Kirsten Dierolf and a group of participants recently in a Cape Town based SF workshop. We explored different ways of talking about feelings. Assuming an interactional, non-causal stance. Assuming a mentalistic, deterministic stance. It wasn't easy initially, but once in the groove, the conversations flowed, and the differences showed up clearly.

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Katalin Hankovszky Christiansen and HOW did you that in this interactional, non-causal stance?

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Kirsten Dierolf by not talking about feelings as causing things but by talking about them as part of the situation :-) and the interaction :-)

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Kirsten Dierolf E.g.: "When I am a bit higher on the scale, I am happier, I am wearing a green dress, the sun is shining and my great-aunt Myrtle sees me bake a cake for Rudolph."

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Svea van der Hoorn E.g - not client specific. Cl: "I hit her because she made me feel so angry." Pr: "Ok, and when you feel angry at work and hit fellow employees, what happens?" Cl: "I don't hit people at work when they make me feel angry. I'd get fired" Pr: "Oh, so wha...See More

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Katalin Hankovszky Christiansen reading your posts, thank you for, I see you work with what clients tell, using their descriptions (and not asking for how do they feel)

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Kirsten Dierolf I think it is OK to ask how they feel if you don't privilege that information and if you treat feelings as interactional

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Svea van der Hoorn Yip - let's not be specific content phobic, or act as if some questions will bring the SF police running. When we hear an SF practiitoner ask "how do you feel?" I'd keep listening for another at least 5 utterances between them to experience what space the question opens and what is co-created. I'm not a fan of telling some content and some questions to go stand outside. Leaving the discussion now. Enjoy